Kanda's Perfect Man Test
by Peppermintcookz
Summary: Ah, Tyki and Kanda.. what a wonderful world. *sings*


**Kanda's ****perfect ****man**

**(Test)**

**Scene 2, Take 239**

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**CREDITS:**

Created by Tyki Mikk®. [Especially for Kanda from Tyki]

Given answers by: Kanda Yuu, threatened by Tyki Mikk

Redactor: Tyki Mikk.

Original Creator: Tyki Mikk.

With Love: Tyki Mikk.

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**1. Are you single****, darling? /you better be../**

■ – Sure. -_-'

□ – Nothing serious.

□ – No, I'm not single.

**2. Do you like women?**

□ – Of course, maan.

□ – Well, I swing both ways.

■ – Nope, nope, I like men.

□ – I hate them.

**3. Do you like Lenalee****, Komui's ****annoying**** sister?**

□ – She's good I guess.

■ – Yep, but we're just friends.

□ – I don't know who she is.

□ – No, I don't like her at all.

**1. What do you think of Tyki?**

■ – What am I supposed to think of him, he'll kill m… *^&(!"$^%* … ouch, I love him.

□ – He's my whole life. ;3

□ – I would not be myself without him.

□ – I can't live without him.

■ – Other**. – **He's a ******* serial raper and I wish to ******* kill him.

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**More ****Questions, honey. ;3**

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**Appearance.**

**1. What is your perfect ****man's weight?**

■ – Tyki's weight is perfect!

□ – Skinny.

□ – Normal weight. Not too fat, and not a bag of bones.

□ – Overweight.

**2****. How tall is**** he?**

□ – F*ck! I forgot my measuring-tape.

□ – Above 6'0 . . .

■ – Exactly 6'1. That's my man's height!

**3.**** What is**** his hair color? **

■ – Well, he's a good-looking man with curly and long hair. The color is a combination of dark chocolate and milk. But the sunrays make his hair looks more like cocoa….

■ – WTF? The answer above is not marked by me..

■ – Dark.…

□ – …or light? ;s

□ – Pink. X_x

□ – Whatever…

**5. Does**** he have BIG eyes?**

□ – No, but he has big balls.

■ – I'm sick of answering that. =_=

■ – I suppose?

■ –Ok, wtf is the meaning of this, anyway?

■ – I dunno...

/Darling, that's forbidden. Your answers must be at least 2, so you can't choose everything./

/Ok, how in the world would you answer that? Daah....very stupid!/

/Honey-bunny-money, I would choose the first answer. ;33/

/...../

/What?/

/.... Fuck you..../

**6. What color are**** his eyes? **

■ – Yellow, like the golden sun, melting behind the horizon.

□ – Well, simply green, red, black or other color.

■ – Chocolate brown, when he's human. (Kanda's 1. note: and when he's more normal..)

□ – With greenish-brown eyes.

□ – Doesn't matter.

**7. What is**** his skin color?**

■ –His skin is…gray.. and he has marks on his forehead.

■ – He's totally, freaking awesome, because he's a Noah and the color of his skin can change.. (Kanda's 2. note: so he's a fucking chameleon… x_x)

□ – He's most likely white.

□ – He has tan.

**Character.**

**9.** **What are**** his hobbies? **

■ – Raping me. .. . There's nothing else that comes up to my mind...

□ – Studying.

■ – He likes to move it, move it. I'm serious.. but inside and out, inside and out of me.

■ – Fighting against my 'friends'.

■ – Raping me. Yep, that's the answer.

■ – He often tries to kill the Moyashi, but he's such a ****, that he can't even wipe his own ass.

■ – Cooking, naked with an apron on. Yes, only with an apron.

■ – In case I have forgotten to say it.. RAPING ME.

**10. What does**** he do in**** his free time? **

■ – Raping me, of course!

■ – Making me feel like a little helpless woman. -_-

■ – Taking care of my katana…. Not the real .. katana….

■ – Loving me all night long = raping me.

■ – Kiss me in front of everybody.

■ – Smoking like an asshole.

■ – Killing exorcists.

■ – Saying me that he loves me.

■ – Ah, sometimes he reads a book.

**11. What type of character is**** he?**

■ – Slimy son of a bitch! Because he's British! /I'm not British, I'm from Portugal. o.o/

□ – Fighter-like…character?

■ – Romantic son of a bitch. Because he's from Portugal! /you know you're not making any sense, do you?/

/Look who's talking./

/Oh, Kanda… ;33/

□ – Well, he's a stupid ****.

■ – He is a violator..

**12. Is**** he older than you or younger?**

■ – He's like.. hundreds of years older than me.

□ – Old man... x_x

■ – I don't know, he's only raping me. -_-

■ – Tyki is the superior.. Yep, he owns my body! (Kanda's 3. note: wait, I didn't answer that…)

**13. What is**** his job?**

□ – He's my freaking enemy = a perverted Noah.

■ – He often hangs out with his human friends and digs in the mine.

□ – Well, he cooks sometimes, I guess he's a .. COOKER.

■ – Standing around, doing nothing. /I'm rich, what do you expect me to do? x_x/

/ *won't answer* /

/ Huh, you finally surrender. /

/ *sleeps* /

/ Hey, don't ignore me! You'll see tonight.. -.- /

□ – He's teacher. (Kanda's 4. note: HAHA! What a joke!)

■ – Tyki is a DUKE!

**13. Does he have a motto?**

□ – Hard question – no answer.

□ – Maaayybeee….

■ – Sure, 'I'll do it tomorrow' = He'll never do it. +_+

□ – Nope.

■ – 'I'll rape Kanda'.

**14. From 1 to 10 how much does**** he love you?**

□ – 0, pure hate.

■ – 10 to 11 = LOOVE. (Kanda's 13246. note: More like 'RAAAPE')

□ – Well, who gives a damn about it?.

/Damn Tyki, why do you always leave empty the right answers?? /

/ *currently missing* /

/ Why you... /

■ – What a wonderful world. *Tyki sings*

□ – Reader, do you have a GUN with bullets? I'm want to end this thing before it kills me.

■ – Ah, no worries, I found a way. *commits seppuku*

**15. And how much do YOU love**** him?**

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***KANDA TAKES CONTROL***

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□ – no….

□ – I said no...

□ – Did I say no?

□ – Ah, yes.. I mean NO!.

□ – Wait, wait, I got it.. NO! O_O

□ – NOOOOOOOO!

/I thought you died when you answered the 14. question, Kanda?/

/ NO! X_X /

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*TYKI'S HERE AGAIN* x3

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**Your relationship.**

**16. Where ****did he take you for your first date?**

■ – In the hospital... My anus was bleeding. =.= /Actually, that was our third date, Kanda./

■ – In his room, where else?

□ – Well, we tried to watch a movie, but he looked at me and...

□ – Romantic dinner in a restaurant.

□ – We fed the animals in the zoo.

□ – Nowhere....

**18. The most perfect ****man in the world (equals Tyki) comes to you and says**** he loves you. Your reaction will be…**

■ – 'Go die!'

□ – Well, I'll help him drown. *good puppy look*

■ – I love yooou tooo, smuchipu! /I better die, than say anything like that. *Kanda's angry mode activate*/

■ – Well, he's the type of a guy who wouldn't say that he loves me, so we skip this part and jump in the bed. But on the table is good, too!

□ – I shall watch him like a lower animal until he leaves. /Non-possible, Kanda-boy./

**19. You're going to have a child….**

■ – Well, we're both men so .. it can't happen.

□ – WHAT? The stupid Noah adopted a child?!?!?!

■ – Well, I hope he won't rape it...

□ – I can't have children, I'm a guy.. Wait, is Tyki going bear the kid?

■ – And I thought raping was bad…

■ – *kills Tyki*

■ – ……

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**Last Question.**

. . . . .

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**A giraffe comes to you and says 'Hi'?**

□ – That's not a question, you idiot!

□ –But it ends with a question-mark!

□ –Was that all? Am I free from this nightmare?

□ – Finally, man. I can go to the toilet.

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**I**** LOVE YOU, KANDA! ;3333333333**

**P.S. – Always yours: Tyki Mikk – Noah of Pleasure**

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_**Well, guys.. The last question is for you. =D**_

_**Hope you liked it. I do. ;]**_

_**Review or.. don't. xD**_


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